Friday, September 17, 2010
Why I haven't written any blogs
I first thought that I would keep a blog, a journal about my journey into my new life. I hate writing and I am great at starting things but not finishing them. I have many entries that just did not get finished. SO I am setting a goal to write 1 entry a week. More if I feel it. I have thoughts going through my head that maybe if I wrote things would come clearer.
First punishment
This was written on August 28, 2010
I experienced my first punishment (if you really can call it that) last night before I left my Masters house. Earlier in the week I confessed that I had masturbated without permission. It was 3 am and I couldn’t sleep and was horny so my thought was it would be okay go ahead. Nope no way, I couldn’t make myself cum because I was thinking that I would be disappointing Master K. Guilt came over me and the next morning about 7:30am I text Master K and let him know. He doesn’t start work until 8am so I figured he would get right back to me. He let me wait 3pm before I got the response “You will be punished”. Oh boy something new for me.
All weekend I waited for Master K to say something, to tell me it was time, to scold me but he said nothing. Since this is all new to me I didn’t know if I should remind him that I was to be punished, he is the Master after all. Finally it was almost time for me to leave and it just didn’t sit right that I hadn’t been punished in some form. Maybe it was the guilt of knowing I have disappointed him. I spoke up and said that I needed to be punished before I went home. Master K told me to lie down on the bed & bite the pillow. Bite the pillow I was thinking that was a strange order. Well it didn’t take long before I realized why Master K told me to do that. He got out his black flogger (the punishment flogger) and I don’t know how many lashes he gave me but it I know the strokes were different, different in intensity & quickness, more deliberate if you know what I mean. Before he was done…I was laughing. I don’t know why but yep I was laughing so it seemed more like playing than punishment.
In my mind I think I should have been brought to tears. I was being punished after all. Sometimes I just don’t understand why I react the way I do.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Do I tell Him!
Sometimes I think Master is taking it too slow and to easy with me. He tells me that this is a process and he will slowly introduce things to me when he feels I am ready. But what if I feel I am ready for more? DO I tell him this? Do I tell him that when we are playing and he asks me if I need a break and I tell him maybe just a few minutes he then stops playing all together. Yes he is Master and he knows what is best, but I only wanted a few minutes, I wanted more. I need more. Even though my butt was on fire and stinging I still wanted more. Do I tell him? Do I say after a few minutes rest that I am ready for more?
When Master and I first started talking to each other he of course asked me what my limits were and there are somethings that I just could not or would not do. Then there were things he asked me how I felt about it and I told him honestly since I have not experienced these things I didn't know but would like to experience them and then I could tell him how I felt about it. We have yet to do these things. Do I tell him I am ready and wanting to experience them?
Master has been introducing new implements each time we play. Each new implement gives a new kind of feeling, hurts more, a different kind of pain. He says he does it this way so not to scare me. He is right because if he had brought out that strap the first time we played, I would have run for the hills and not come back. Damn did that thing hurt. So far Master has pretty much focused on just my butt and spanking me. I want him to use my breasts & my pussy. I want him to incorporate some bondage. When Master feels I am ready I know he will but I feel like I am ready for so much more. Do I tell him I think he is moving to slow?
He is has been in the lifestyle for over 12 yrs and he knows what is best for me. I just wonder if I should say something.
When Master and I first started talking to each other he of course asked me what my limits were and there are somethings that I just could not or would not do. Then there were things he asked me how I felt about it and I told him honestly since I have not experienced these things I didn't know but would like to experience them and then I could tell him how I felt about it. We have yet to do these things. Do I tell him I am ready and wanting to experience them?
Master has been introducing new implements each time we play. Each new implement gives a new kind of feeling, hurts more, a different kind of pain. He says he does it this way so not to scare me. He is right because if he had brought out that strap the first time we played, I would have run for the hills and not come back. Damn did that thing hurt. So far Master has pretty much focused on just my butt and spanking me. I want him to use my breasts & my pussy. I want him to incorporate some bondage. When Master feels I am ready I know he will but I feel like I am ready for so much more. Do I tell him I think he is moving to slow?
He is has been in the lifestyle for over 12 yrs and he knows what is best for me. I just wonder if I should say something.
Friday, May 14, 2010
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